A river of tears.

Do you ever just feel like crying? 

This happens to me all the time, but I can never figure out the reason why. You'd think I should be able to trace back my sudden urge to vent via tears, but it's a dead end. Or I'm just dense and can't see the end. 

Sometimes I'm just sitting there when instantly I see a certain thing, or a certain thought pops into my head, and causes my eyes to immediately start stinging, the onset of tears near. I try not to blink, hoping it will pass, but the urge overtakes me and I shut my eyelids, just for a second, and my tear ducts begin to moisten. I begin to blink rapidly, hoping to keep the liquid from brimming over the edge of my bottom eyelid, but alas, the rivers run down my face. 

It's not a heavy cry, but an emotional one nonetheless. And I can't pinpoint why it occurs. 

I thought overly emotional, reasonless cries only happened to girls in high school, wracked with hormones. But here I am in my twenties, and I still cry without a purpose. Part of me asks myself, Am I still going through puberty? No, I'm sure I'm not. Another part says, Am I just immature? Could be, but I doubt I'm alone in this. 

Let me give an explanation for those of you who've read this far and feel so detached and rolling your eyes at all this melodrama that you're about to quit reading. 

Today I brought home some food from work to eat for lunch. When I got home around eleven a.m., my husband had prepared some food for dinner, but he made it early since he had to go to work soon and we would be eating dinner separately. An hour later, I had a snack, not quite hungry for a full meal of lunch. Then around four o'clock, I decided I should probably eat lunch, so I ate what I had brought home from work. I lay on my bed, just relaxing, when I realized it was six o'clock, basically past dinner time, and I wasn't hungry. I wasn't going to be hungry for another few hours, and by that time, my husband would be home from work. But that means I would never have a chance to eat the food he had prepared for me because I ate a late lunch. I immediately got tears in my eyes because I felt so bad. He had cooked me some beef that I could make French dip sandwiches out of, which is one of my favourite meals. He did a service to me, and now here I was, not accepting that service. And that poor meat--I didn't want it to sit alone, not being enjoyed, slowly decaying in the refrigerator. I just felt like I had let him down by not eating his meal. Especially since he had texted me at some point and said, "The meat's really good, I hope you enjoy it." Now I feel like utter trash. 

I get that this isn't really a big deal. I'm over-emotional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is who I am! And I hate that feeling, that feeling of my eyes burning because the tears threaten to take over. It happens way too often. 

(Composed 7 March 2018.)